UnCaged Destiny Read online

  Uncaged Destiny

  Uncaged Destiny

  Lisa Farrell

  © 2017 Lisa Farrell

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 1545500347

  ISBN 13: 9781545500347

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2017906386

  CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

  North Charleston, South Carolina

  Contents

  Shared Dreams

  Strangers

  Beneath the Mask

  Chipped Walls

  Stolen Kiss

  Truth Is

  After All Is Said

  Bittersweet

  Changing Pieces

  It Is Done

  Letting Go

  Above Water

  About the Author

  Shared Dreams

  I saw a dream and it made me fearful, and these fantasies as I lay on my bed and the visions in my mind kept alarming me.

  —Daniel 4:5

  The universe is made up of many different occurrences and energy forces, and no one has ever fully explained or proven how they can exist. That night, though separated by their locations and destinies, two bodies tossed violently as they slept; their tormented sleep and dream were somehow shared as their souls journeyed deeper into the dark.

  Silence surrounded her, and she knew she did not have to say anything. The silence created its own energy force around her. Even the stars hid from her that night, in fear that this new silent force would reach out to them. They knew that their distance would not shield them from her energy, as their empathetic cosmic forces would not be able to bear her pain. She sat quietly in her dark cage, holding in fears, screams, and tears and knowing that her emotional dam would soon break, freeing her spirit into the world. She needed to hold on to her decision—there was nothing she could do now to make things right at this point. As she sank deeper into a comatose dream state, she was suddenly aware that she was not alone.

  It did not even occur to him that during the silence, he had allowed himself to reach out for her face; it was done so quickly, though the intent was sure. He did not know her, yet he had seen her in his earlier dreams; her unfallen tears carved valleys into the recesses of his mind. His heart broke as he glanced at her—he knew that this time her tears were all because of him. In that moment, he knew that revealing himself would be the only key to reaching her. He desperately needed her to know she wasn’t alone. His words had previously fallen outside of her emotional wall, never fully penetrating her slumber. But he had to try, even if this was only a dream.

  So, without her permission, and with full knowledge that he had already cremated the bridge he now needed to cross, he inhaled a prayer and held on to her cage. For within a stolen second, he had only enough time to let his fingers swiftly caress her cheek before she would open her eyes and see the truth in him. He let the energy of his soul reach out to her within her darkness…

  She suddenly knew someone was there. Images of many men had entered her dreams before, trying to awaken her with their sonnets, but many had turned to stone from only a glimpse of her reality. Though initially he was unknown and his words unheard, somehow his force was there, and he refused to be encased in stone.

  Beneath her brown eyes and her hidden scars, her vision remained unknown to the world. A tear fell as she searched her mind and darkest memories for the source of this new energy force. Her body moved forward, as if yearning to capture the source that rattled her thoughts, and for an instant, it muted her internal screams. Somehow, she already knew that this dream would only last a moment, as eternity had always escaped her desperate grasp. The lingering energy taunted her as she dared to open her eyes and look into this unknown yet familiar darkness.

  However, even as her eyes strained, hunting for the source, she still couldn’t find him. Their bridges had been burned, and the once-easy path to their souls no longer remained. She sadly dismissed his energy trace as just a memory and slowly closed her eyes as the dream waves engulfed her body.

  But he was already there, ready to try once more, even if it risked everything he held dear. He reached out, this time using the energy that could only come from within his soul. He extended his love once more.

  He knew he couldn’t stay in this dream with her forever. His destiny was already written before she existed. And her destiny, though it still eluded her, was written before time, in the stars. Though he could offer his love within the dream, he knew he couldn’t offer her what she truly needed: to free her from her cage forever. But tonight, this knowledge would not stop him. This time he could not leave her trapped within herself. This time he had to help her see outside of her self-imposed walls. Though he had learned that the walls were initially meant to protect her, tonight he could see that they had enclosed around her and were suffocating her as she struggled to breathe. So with one more breath, he inhaled her essence.

  His sense of smell was always acute when she invaded his dreams. Her fragrance, a bouquet of tropical fruits and Nubian oils, reminded him of his childhood. As he inhaled her familiar scent, he knew he was edging too close to her delicate, forbidden grounds. For just within his grasp lay not just this caged and fragile soul but a hidden phoenix—all within a beautiful human form.

  His hands trembled. He knew holding her was not allowed. As he reached out, he was prepared for the external and internal scars that his actions would leave on his existence, if he were to survive. Whether he continued or not, it would be tantamount to suicide. To have her would mean the destruction of the world he existed in. But to leave her trapped and to walk away from her essence would drive him insane.

  She could feel his internal battle, even within this dark dream. Its similarity to her own struggle let her recognize the shadow of his outline, despite her visual scars. Within his essence was the battle of needed release. Yet fear of the division between the known path and her unknown future left her paralyzed and unsure. She knew she should remain still, as her past held her chained to the boulders of life. The memory of a past life or the vision of a future reincarnation haunted her darkened eyes. The raw emotion that enveloped them did not feel new. This combined energy rose up like clouds infused with their past existence, where their roles were not cemented but where hearts were free to be together.

  Though the strength of the phoenix and the dragon pulled at them from within, though their earned wisdom warned that they should not, they edged closer to each other, unsure of what their touch might evoke. Though his intention was to quiet her fears, the comfortable and familiar bond awakened his need to have her with him.

  He knew his world could not survive if she were to exist within it, for her force could not be contained to a singular role. Nor could he balance multiple roles. As his soul yearned to stay within her feathered energy, he was torn and knew he may self-destruct at any time.

  Against the voices of her past, she reached out to his outline. If this was just a memory playing with her emotions, she desperately deserved a moment of rest. Her existence, as simple as it may appear to the untrained eye, was filled with battles and wars.

  As she felt herself reaching out, the layers of scars fell from her eyes, leaving the view of his outline, his eyes, and a nervous but gentle smile. She could smell his fear and masculinity dually infusing and tormenting her as she moved closer to him. With each step, the break of day approached, warning them of their dreamy departure. Though fairy tales could exist in their dreams, they had dared the universe by seeking each other out in this dream, and now a new, revised reality awaited at their rise.

  Strangers

  Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

  —Hebrews 13:2

  Cage knew the
re was no way she could make it. She had been working long hours for months on her company’s marketing project and barely had any time for herself, much less to spend with Anthony and his “friend.” In a previous life, she was sure she loved hanging out in small groups and meeting new people. But that part of her must have been hidden away and replaced by an overworked Cinderella who couldn’t be bothered with socializing, especially meeting new people. Making conversation and smiling through boring interactions drove her crazy. It was the same thing repeatedly, and sometimes, negative people’s energy remained with her for months. She was not sure if other people would ever understand what she experienced, but the lingering energy that remained after spending time with people was becoming too toxic for her to continue torturing herself. Her last two relationships or better yet her last real interactions with men had left her physically and emotionally drained, and their negative shadows remained to haunt her through each day.

  But somehow, she felt it was necessary to go out tonight and even decided to leave work on time to run the necessary errands. Of course, this resulted in her running a little late, with little time to get dressed. Lately, she didn’t care much about her appearance, as it just represented the continuous nagging feeling that she didn’t fit in. With minimal effort, she pulled something together, remembering to at least wear makeup to camouflage the tiredness on her face. Grabbing her keys, she said a little prayer asking God to keep her lingering dark shadows from her past at home, as she walked out of the door with a gentle masked smile.

  Anthony met her at the door like the gentleman he tried deep down to be, though that side of him remained somewhat hidden. It was during the walk to the car that she got her first real glimpse of his friend. Though Anthony had spoken about Pyrs for years, and she lived just a few blocks from him, this was the first time she had seen or met him. She tried to ignore her gut feeling and not let it show, but there was something wrong yet very familiar about him. Clearly, she should have prayed a little longer.

  She could already feel Anthony’s energy; he was always easy to read. His use of alcohol and shock humor only disguised his inner doubt and self-hatred. Cage understood that everyone used masks to hide true emotions and knew very well that people sometimes even masked emotions from themselves. But there was something else she could feel in the car that night. Pyrs was polite, and there was something in his eyes that simultaneously felt familiar and new. She tried her best to ignore it and listened to the men catch up with each other, with minimal interjections to allow herself time to understand her feelings during the moment.

  Their dinner was light and conversation entertaining, with discussions touching on politics, food, the universe, and music. Having adult conversation where everyone was free to discuss their opinions and have them listen to hers with minimum judgment was a comforting relief to Cage. But why was his energy so eclectic? His eyes would linger on her face occasionally, but she couldn’t read him. Most men were easily readable: their thoughts moved like shadows walking in front of them, and their words smelled like venom. But she couldn’t smell his words, and his eyes rotated quickly with flashes of pain, mistrust, laughter, and youthful interest. Throughout the night, he kept leaving her feeling slightly confused and with many questions, which resulted in gaps of silent observation of the two men as they spoke of their past friendship experiences and their present journeys.

  Was he viewing her as a necessary dinner decoration? And why was he looking at her with such intensity through his still, dark eyes? His expressions cloaked his true thoughts, as his voice remained merry and jovial. Anthony did not seem to notice the conflict his friend displayed, and Cage wondered if she was the one losing it. She acknowledged to herself that she had been working long hours, and it had been some time since she had a restful night’s sleep, but could she really be imagining things? In the end, did it really matter if she liked him as a person or if he liked her as a person? This was just a friendly, grown-up dinner. They would probably return to their own lives and never see each other again after tonight. But something told her that this strange man’s thoughts would matter. Though she felt uneasy, most of the evening was far better than many of her previous nights. She appreciated that his energy did not leave her with the remnants of dark shadows but instead with genuine smiles.

  As she prepared for bed later that night, Pyrs’s text message proved that she may have been wrong in reading so much into the dark moments that reflected in the corner of his eyes. But then again, she could not recall ever being wrong before.

  “It was nice meeting you. You are my type of people, and I would like to get to know you better. It will be good to have a friend here…by the way, do you know that your eyes don’t lie very well and that I could read you a little too easily?”

  Beneath the Mask

  You cannot keep your true self hidden forever; before long you’ll be exposed…sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known.

  —Luke 12:2

  Cage knew her journey very well. She knew all the ways she had previously sabotaged her life. Facing her past was never an easy task. Though she tried to make it appear as if she was always okay, she faced internal battles that sometimes left her physically weak. She kept a lot of thoughts to herself under the mask of a gentle smile and sarcastic humor, fearing additional rejection or judgment. At times, her ruse was so convincing that she would fool herself into forgetting it was just a mask.

  Cage did not think she was worthy and often considered herself broken goods. She was good at blending in but never felt like she really belonged. The fact that different people saw her as many different things was an example of how much she could adapt to different environments and people, without attracting much attention to herself. Where her friends yearned for attention, she was afraid of it. She wasn’t against any form of interaction with others—that is, men—she just knew what these interactions really meant. It always meant the same thing: it would either lead to rejection or the man’s wandering words, eyes, and hands.

  As if the scars and soul ties left behind from their hands were not deep enough, she had, in an attempt to self-medicate, inflicted wounds on her body and mind. After many failed attempts at relationships, she did not believe she deserved to have a balanced relationship. She internalized the words whispered to her in her youth. It was not as if any one person had specifically told her she was a bad child; instead, she often heard how much of a disappointment she was or that she would never be as good as others in her chosen interests. Sarcastic comments about her appearance or her introverted nature made her question herself. Though she knew that everyone grapples with their own struggles and demons, her own battles were so great that she sought a means of escape. As she grew older, her attempts to gain moments of peace led her to seek casual relationships—or, to call it what it truly was, sex.

  Cage always knew better; she recognized that none of these men really loved her. They were just drawn to her and what they described as her sex appeal. In time, she would learn that it was not really sex appeal. It took years of self-searching and prayer before she even tried to stop the self-sabotage. Her journey so far had not been an easy one, and over time, she realized that what had happened in her past was not her fault. However, it would be her undoing if she continued along the same path. Her transition to better herself and the process to reclaim her life had involved releasing many negative connections. Cage realized she was capable of saying and doing the wrong things herself; she didn’t need anyone else doing it to her. Her family and many of her friends were not that supportive of her new life choices as her choices never reflected their own, but it was where she needed to be and what she needed to do. She had accepted that what was necessary for her didn’t fit everyone’s mold, and that would make them uncomfortable, and if not with her, it would then be with their own life choices.

  Over time, Cage found some modicum of peace. She may not have dated as much as her friends, but she understood that quality
was more important than quantity. While trying to practice celibacy instead of dating, she preferred to spend her free time volunteering with children’s and women’s groups. It was through these activities that Cage could separate herself from her pain, and she didn’t have to pretend that everything was okay anymore. The women and children in these organizations were more concerned with surviving each day and didn’t care that Cage wasn’t perfect; they shared a common bond in trying to make the best of their situations and move forward. This is where she found the most peace. Though her life was far from perfect, she knew she was much better than she was before.

  Everyone experiences life differently. Some people go day to day without any true knowledge or understanding of why they’re here. Many live in their own bubble, where they view their area of the world as the epicenter of the universe, without any empathy for those who exist outside their hemisphere. Cage was not one of those people. As a child, she never really fit in. Yes, she had her own group of friends, but they never saw her for who she really was—her ability to coexist as a human and, to a stronger degree, as a free-form energy force. This allowed her to keep part of herself hidden from others; she had seen and experienced enough damage to know how fragile her energy could be. Being so in tune with the energy she held within herself made her very in tune with the energy of nearby individuals. Being around others, even indirectly, left her open to their spiritual and energy remnants. The more she cared for or identified with a person, the more energy leaked into her. This would result in taking on others’ depression, headaches, and other ailments.

  As such, she never really got the chance to spread her own wings. Her empathy kept her chained to those who manipulated others or took advantage of her. Physical scars would have probably been easier to heal, but her hidden scars—smothered beneath smiling masks—did not heal as fast due to their inability to breathe.